The hotel district of Once.
"Jugamos?" (Let's play)
A subtle, purposed glance from under lowered eyelids, a husky whisper tossed casually from the throat. A prostitute's solicitation, unmistakable.
The heat, evoking an automatic sweat response and fatigue, has driven street people into the shade of overhanging balconies. Even the big chain supermarkets have pulled down and locked the metal grates guarding doors and windows.
I keep walking, eyes forward. Pretend I don't notice, get home. Check my downloads, emails, blogs.
Just like one guards one's change from beggars.
She walks languidly, arms bowing out at the elbows, describing an opposite arcs in the sway of her walk. Her hair's tied up into a bun in back. She's black, and at least six months pregnant.
3 comments:
mr. wait -
you must do more with this. having black and pregnant and your punch line is tiresome. it colonizes without awareness or irony (unlike your other ruminations on nationality, class, and self-reflexivity). there is no way that the last thing you notice about this woman is her skin color and distended belly - be upfront and begin from there.
or so i say, humbly yours,
l.
Dear educated waitress,
Thanks for the first thought provoking comment this blog has seen.
Putting aside for the moment whether or not authorial intent holds any water (and not offering it as an excuse), I consciously avoided an ironic tone for this post. Irony has a critical effect but also a degrading one, and I didn't want to degrade the subject of the observation. Also, I didn't want to degrade the observer. Being solicited by prostitutes has become somewhat of an everyday experience where I live, and I wanted to convey that sense of normality.
As for the punch-lineyness of the final line, I think your right, although the intended effect of delaying the most noticeable characteristic was to make it even more noticeable. On a third read, it does have a kind of disappointing rabbit-out-of-the-hat feel, like a hokey, worn out revelation. Like bad fireworks.
I'm going to leave the post as is, if only not to make your comment obsolete.
One question - I've been out of the game for so long, I don't really understand your use of the word colonization. Please clarify.
Thanks,
Larry
hola señor Larry
not only the post but also the comments are of much interest
I disagree with the waitress, in no moment I thought about a lack of awareness, but as something painful to remember, something that you managed to put aside... almost. And yes, i like the punchliney effect.
What is sort of confusing or not so convincing are the 3 paragraphs in the middle, as if they were intended only to make you forget about the prostitute.
I'd also like ms. waitress to clarify the colonize word. I also suspect there is some kind of personal message in her comment in the being upfront part, but that might just be my imagination ;)
Un abrazo
Martin
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